One of my friends recently got married. Another is getting married soon. If that is entirely their decision and that of their partners, then well, good for them, and I have nothing to say. But I do have something to say because they were actually “nudged” by their ailing parents into hastily getting married. There is nothing wrong with respecting the wishes of one’s parents, especially when they are elderly and unwell. But there is something problematic about their parents, and perhaps their entire generation, who, despite their age and supposed wisdom, often hold such wishes without much reflection. In believing they know what is best for their children, they sometimes use their illness as a reason to push them into marriage, urging them to fulfill part of their concept of the good life, which revolves around reproductive and material success.
Well, as humans, and more generally as a biological species, reproductive success has always been a fundamental goal. Material wealth and social status are means to achieve that goal. But as humans, we also have the ability to think critically, to examine and recognize the transient nature of the happiness produced by these things. More importantly, as societies develop and cultures progress, we have learned to appreciate the differences in perspectives, values, and needs of others. Many beliefs now belong to the past, except for some isolated, conservative pockets. Parents no longer decide for their children what careers they will pursue or whom they will marry. Sex before marriage is no longer taboo. Divorce is no longer frowned upon.
If one stops focusing on each of these individual changes and instead tries to see the bigger picture, a clear conclusion emerges: everything that people choose to do with their lives is entirely normal within the range of human behaviors. As long as they deem it good for themselves, they are free to pursue it, and their decisions deserve respect. Unfortunately, this broader perspective still escapes many people. Even as they adapt to these new, non-traditional norms, they still cling to the outdated belief that their version of the good life—centered on material and reproductive success—is the only valid one: to be happy, you must work a stable job, get married, have children, buy a house, and get a car. And then what? Buy more houses and cars. Without ever questioning why this is considered good, beyond the fact that “people have always done so”, they cling to the belief that it is good for everyone and try to impose their views on others, particularly their children and close relatives.
Living in a society where the majority hold such a mindset is challenging for independent thinkers who have the courage to define happiness on their own terms. They may choose not to work a stable job, marry, or have children. They may live far from home, with a same-sex partner or in a Buddhist temple. They may fail in their quest for happiness, but those who succeed become living proof that people can live their lives as they see fit and still find fulfillment. They are the driving force behind progress, pushing us toward a future with less narrow-mindedness and prejudice, and more diversity and tolerance.